Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
