I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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