can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
The air taste purple.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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