this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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