It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
