why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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