Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
