she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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