He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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