She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
