The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Everyone says I win the strip club
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize