I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
