I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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