Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
