Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
