We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
