youre lurking in front of me
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
