He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
