Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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