Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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