some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
