i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
