I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
