My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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