I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
