Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
