Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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