So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
