I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
