Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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