i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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