so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
