i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize