you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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