Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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