Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
