So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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