I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
