He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
