clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
