nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize