I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The adults are the big ones right?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize