I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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