We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
