anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
