Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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