sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
3 2 1 whiskey
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
