Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
