Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
