I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
