eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
