i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
