i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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