how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
