Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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