I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
