Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
