My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
two words: eviction party
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize