It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
