were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
