Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
