Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
