remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize