Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
