Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
