my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
